I cannot help but think that one of the best gifts we can afford ourselves in this busy demanding world we live in is the time to embrace our self-acceptance. It’s a term that on a personal level most of us grapple with, mainly because our present-day world drives us to constantly compare, to feel that we are not quite good enough. We secretly yearn to mirror someone else’s success, looks or position. We are led to strive for perfection, for power, for money, for beauty, whilst silently inside we drift further and further from the connection we have with our true authentic self. How utterly exhausting does that feel?
The route to self-acceptance cannot be fast tracked, or achieved overnight, it is really a constant journey that demands daily work, commitment, and patience. It will take kindness, self-awareness, and a desire to prioritise service to yourself. But trust me it will be worth it…
Self-acceptance is not about accepting mediocrity or not striving for growth, it’s the deep acceptance and appreciation of your individuality and your worth. Without judgement we learnt to accept all the facets that make us unique, our strengths, our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, and our imperfections. The power of accepting we are good enough is a solid platform for building resilience and discovering our true authentic self.
So, let’s talk about what a life looks like when we do not embrace self-acceptance.
Ever felt that there is a real disconnect deep within your sense of self, where you just feel totally out of line. You may feel that your angry, ashamed, frustrated or annoyed with yourself and possibly cannot easily identify why. You may feel resentment to others, even those close to you, because you are in a life that doesn’t feel aligned in some way. Without doubt living in this state can be harmful to your health and psychological well-being. Lack of self-acceptance can lead to mental health conditions, low self-confidence, social anxiety, relationship issues, self-hatred, and negative self-talk.
So, what do we need to do?
One of the first things and may be one of the hardest, is to identify your personal values and beliefs. By doing this you are beginning to discover your sense of identity. Identifying what is true to you is powerful and an important step in self-acceptance. Give yourself time to really sit and think about this. If I were to quickly ask you; What are your values? I’m sure you could come up with an answer. Some may be your own, some you may adopt from others, your partner, family, or friends, or maybe just what you think they aught to be. But remember they need to be your own. Your values are what is important to you in how you live your life or want to live it. What you care about the most. Start by focusing on the three or four important ones. Perhaps jot down what you can come up with and put them in order of importance. Now, really start to think about what they mean to you and how they show up in your life. For example, if one of your values in honesty, look at your relationships. Is being honest a problem in any one of them. Are you honest to yourself and could this be a reason why you are feeling not as happy as you want to. How do you approach honesty in your workplace?
Its not as easy as it seems to get to the heart of your personal values and beliefs and it is something that can shift over time. Have a go at looking at an aspect of your life that you’re not happy with. Try identifying what the cause is and whether it is something that conflicts with your identified values. This is a great starting point for making change.
Setting healthy boundaries is something we all need to do, but to do so, we need a level of self-awareness. We need to establish what we are comfortable and not comfortable with and what we find emotionally challenges us. Boundary setting is largely about who we give power to. You get to define the terms and conditions of your life. Healthy boundary setting is not about having it all your own way but being aware of the impact life has and being able to control aspect that you can for your best interest. Some boundaries are seen as hard boundaries, and they are where there should be little or no compromise. Soft boundaries are like aspirations or wishes that have room for change or adaptation. Boundaries are achieved through communication and practice. It may not be easy at the start but just try consciously implementing one or two at a time. Remember even having one is better than none and by setting boundaries you are affirming your self-worth and expressing the truth that you are deserving of respect and consideration.
Journal keeping has been something I have grown into. For a long time, I wanted to journal but never seemed to find myself the time. I pondered over questions for a long time before starting journaling. Do I do it on a night or on a morning or just when I can snatch a quick ten minutes? What do I focus on? Is it like writing a diary? All valid questions I think, and you may have more but there is no right and wrong way. I’m going to dedicate another blog to journaling but for now and in relevance to this topic, journalling can help just to be with your thoughts. I write about things that have gone well, my strengths and achievements but also reflect on things that have not gone well, frustrations and challenges. The key for my journaling is being able to identify at least one positive thing, or something I am grateful for, even on a day which hasn’t been the best. I have found this helpful in shifting my mood and feeling much happier. It helps me focus and make sense of things. Journaling can help with implementing change or making decisions by simply allowing you space to work things through. Like most other changes, the journaling process is a habit and will require you to be disciplined in making time, but I’m sure, just like me you will soon look forward to writing about your day. Look for the beauty in your own world.
Self-comparison is one of the worst things we can do to negatively affect our mental health and self-worth. In a world of increasing fakery who exactly are we comparing ourselves too! There will always be someone fitter, healthier, wealthier, more beautiful, having a better job, bigger family etc etc…… Comparison is part of human nature and in some form can be healthy and useful. It takes up a significant proportion of your thoughts, so we have to be alert to what is affecting us and what we allow to shape our thoughts about ourselves.
Constantly comparing yourself reinforces negative opinions and insecurities and can lead to a great deal of pain. Isn’t it much better, more liberating and kinder to yourself to set your own standards and expectations, seeking to be the better version of your previous self. Shift your mindset for growth. Start to celebrate your own achievements and how far you have come. If you aspire to make change, make sure it is aligned with your values and make a plan.
Forgiveness can be challenging in any situation for so many reasons. But the last person people often forgive is themselves. Everyone makes mistakes, some mistakes can be bigger than others, can cause pain to people we love, can have long lasting consequences. Holding onto blame, self-hatred, and guilt, can only have harmful consequences. It almost certainly wont right the wrong or undo the past and is more likely to lead to hurt for others. The key is to acknowledge the mistake and create space for the feelings that come from that. You must then learn to forgive and let it go. Self-forgiveness requires work and conscious effort, but true self-acceptance needs you to do just that.
Kindness is the umbrella for all that I have discussed. They are all forms of kindness you can show to yourself, and who doesn’t truly want to feel the power of kindness. Its in your hands, and you can show it to yourself every day. Its unlimited in its supply and can be shown to others.
You are on you own unique journey. Accept perfection is unattainable, your worth is not defined by others, the truth is everyone has struggles that feel as great as yours in their world. Your job is to learn and grow. Embrace your imperfections and identify your power, we all have power. Time is limited and seems to go faster with every day that passes so live for the now and be kind to yourself in the same way you are to others. Honour yourself and embrace all the individuality that makes you, you. Always remember you are enough.
Sharon x